Aging, Relatively Speaking

A while back I was listening to a news report about an “elderly” woman. As the reporter related the story, she mentioned that the woman was 55 years old. Really? Fifty-five is elderly? At 60, what does that make me? How old is this reporter, anyway?

At first I found myself irritated, but then, after careful thought and consideration of youthful ignorance, I was still irritated! Of course I have to admit when I was 55, I thought 70 was elderly; that thought has now been reconsidered.

So I’ve come to the conclusion that an “elderly” person is anyone 25 years older than the perceiver. In other words, when one is 25 years old, a person of 50 is elderly. When one is 45, then a person of 70 years of age is elderly. “Elderly” is a relative term.

But then another thought. In my mind, anyone who is 10 years younger than me is “about my age,” yet a person 1 year my senior is older than me; 5 years my senior and you are much older than me! This is especially true the older I get. So I guess it would be more accurate to say that “age” is a relative term.

One more thought for those of you who consider yourself an accomplished ager. I’ve decided that I’m still young as long as my daily manscape routine involves shaving, trimming, and brushing. “Elderly” has arrived when it involves snorting, bloating, and flatulence.